The Illusion of Fear and the Power to Choose Again

Fear is incredibly powerful. It doesn’t come in the shape of a monster—it comes in quiet disguises: hesitation, insecurity, self-doubt. It slips into our thoughts, into our stories, and our relationships until we forget who we are. Fear doesn’t scream—it whispers, until it numbs us. It convinces us that we’re stuck, that we can’t change, that the horizon is forever out of reach.

Yesterday, I worked with a kindhearted man. His gentle voice and his inability to express himself with clarity reminded me of a version of myself I once knew so well. I could sense his insecurity, not through what he said—but how he said it. His whole energy spoke of someone who didn’t feel chosen, who had learned to stay small to feel safe.

I remember being that way, too. I truly believed that was just who I was—born that way. Some people were simply stronger, I thought, and I was one of the softer ones. Even my mother used to say, “As long as the people she loves are around, she’s fine.” But deep down, I wondered: Isn’t there more in store for me?

This man reminded me of that younger self. I know how painful it is to feel stuck inside your own skin, to identify with fear so strongly that you forget it’s just a lens—not a truth.

He told me how unfairly he’d been treated. I listened. And to my surprise, he was telling my story. Almost word for word, he described an experience I had lived through years ago, when I was mistreated by a team I worked with. The pain, the resentment, the spiraling thoughts of injustice—I knew them intimately.

And yet, as he kept speaking, I noticed something strange. The more he stayed in the story of what had happened, the smaller he became. And though I felt compassion, I also felt my energy shift. I felt stronger. I began treating him like someone who was subordinate—not because I wanted to, but because he was casting himself in that role.

It struck me: we don’t see the world as it is—we see it as we are. And so the world responds to that version of us. As Neville Goddard said, “Everyone is you pushed out.” Our outer world mirrors the assumptions, beliefs, and expectations we carry inside.

If you believe people will overlook you, they will.
If you believe you’re powerless, life will reflect that back.
If you believe you’re unworthy of love or abundance—you’ll live in the shadow of that belief.

Fear is not truth. It’s a distortion of truth. A colored lens through which we perceive life. And our awareness—what we consistently focus on—creates the reality we live in.

Even this morning, I felt it. I looked at my bank balance and saw a number I didn’t like. Immediately, a wave of fear rose up. A mental movie started playing: What will I do? How much more will I have to work? What if I can’t make it?

But as Byron Katie teaches: “Is it true? Can you absolutely know it’s true?”

In that moment—right now—I had a roof over my head, food in my kitchen, warmth, and peace. But my thoughts wanted to live in a catastrophic future that hadn’t happened yet. That’s how sneaky fear is—it pulls us out of the moment and into illusion.

I see this often in the children at daycare. They play different roles, try on different identities. Through play, they imagine who they will become. But somewhere along the way, as we grow up, we forget that we’re still allowed to choose. We forget we can rewrite the script.

We start believing we are our fears.
We start believing we are our traumas.
We start believing we are what others told us we were.

But we’re not. We’re the one who decides. Always.

And when we forget, we give our power away—to people, to situations, to numbers on a screen.

So I ask you:

  • What are your fears?

  • What inner conversation do you keep alive?

  • Who is the new version of you waiting to be born?

  • Where are you still playing the role of the victim, when you could be the hero of your story?

  • Where do you hand your power over to others?

  • Where are you still choosing fear over freedom?

Remember: fear doesn’t disappear by force. It dissolves through awareness.

Come back to that calm center—the quiet place within the hurricane of your thoughts. It’s always there, waiting for you. And from that stillness, you can choose again.

Be the Change You Seek

Every day, I encounter women who long for change. And of course—they’re not alone. We all reach moments when we ache for something different. But here’s the truth: if we want change, we must be the change. Life doesn’t happen to us—it happens through us.

In my last blog, I wrote about wanting a child. It’s a helpful picture to understand how life moves through us. If we want a child, we must first sow the seed. A baby isn’t handed to us; it grows within us, shaped by time, nourishment, and care. And just like any seed, it carries a unique DNA—its future is already embedded in the intention.

It’s the same with every desire.

I think of myself years ago when I left the spiritual cult I had grown up in. I had been married young by the community’s authorities. My entire world—my friends, family, and beliefs—was wrapped up in that structure. I had no formal education, little financial independence, and a young son who needed me. I was told I knew nothing. I believed it. And I thought change was impossible.

Neville Goddard once said he cut the word “impossible” out of his dictionary. I hadn’t found Neville yet back then—but I had found something just as important: desire. I didn’t know how I would survive on the outside, but I knew I couldn’t stay.

Walking away from everything I’d ever known felt like throwing myself into a river with no shore in sight. The current was strong. I was terrified. And yet—somewhere inside, a voice kept whispering, “Keep going. There’s more.”

Without any real roadmap, I often wandered into situations where others took advantage of my vulnerability. I confused kindness with approval. I clung to others’ needs before my own. I mistook survival for love. My inner compass had been hidden under years of guilt, obedience, and shame.

But it was still there.

The years since then have taught me more than I can capture in one blog. But the most important truth I’ve discovered is this: you can change your life. No matter where you start from. No matter how stuck it seems. You just need to take responsibility for how you perceive your life—and that’s where your power lives.

People sometimes say to me, “Your situation is different than mine.” Maybe. But as someone once said: “Each person’s hell is the worst hell.” That may be true—but it also means that each person’s hope can be the most powerful hope.

You have to ask yourself:

  • Do I see life as something that won’t change—or as something that’s already beginning to shift?
  • Am I investing energy in all that’s going wrong—or imagining what might finally go right?
  • Am I willing to step into the unknown?

For so long, I wasn’t.

And people often think I’ve always been strong or peaceful. The truth? I’ve been a fighter from the very beginning. I believe that spirit has always been with me—even from before birth. My mother once told me she almost had an abortion, but something stopped her. She said she felt my will to live. And that same spirit carried me through the darkest tunnels of my life.

Yes, I’ve been scared. Yes, I’ve been a victim. But I’ve also woken up. And I’ve learned that the mind loves the comfort of familiar suffering more than the risk of freedom.

What helped me most was beginning to question my thoughts. Byron Katie’s four questions became a lighthouse in my storm:

  1. Is it true?
  2. Can I absolutely know it’s true?
  3. How do I react when I believe that thought?
  4. Who would I be without it?

Those questions taught me to slow down the wild horses in my mind.

So if you’re reading this and you’re stuck, afraid, or exhausted by your own looping thoughts—I’m here to tell you: you are the one who sows the seed. And the life that grows from it is already waiting inside you. But only you can water it.

Don’t wait for life to hand you the change. Be the change.

Life Isn’t Punishing You—It’s Mirroring You

“The true horror of existence is not the fear of death, but the fear of life. It is the fear of waking up each day to face the same struggles, disappointments, and pain. It is the fear that nothing will ever change, that you are trapped in a cycle of suffering you cannot escape.”
—Albert Camus

I love this quote because I can relate to it so deeply. There was a time in my life when I felt lost, confined by my circumstances, and unable to fully enjoy the moment. I couldn’t see all the beautiful things life had already given me because I was consumed by the stress of what I didn’t have.

I remember longing for a child. It took nearly two years before I became pregnant, and during that time, I carried a deep sense of incompleteness. Other women around me were getting pregnant easily, and I couldn’t understand why it wasn’t happening for me. I convinced myself that once I had a child, everything would be complete—that it would fill the void and prove I was worthy.

My then-husband and I traveled to India, to a sacred temple said to bless couples struggling to conceive. It’s an ancient place, built by a king named Shantanu, who was childless for many years. After praying and building a temple for Lord Krishna, he was blessed with a child. Countless women make pilgrimages there, and the atmosphere was peaceful, sacred, and full of hope. Not long after, I did become pregnant. My joy was beyond words.

But then, I wanted a second child. I believed one wasn’t enough. When I lost that second pregnancy, I became consumed by the lack once again. So much so that I almost forgot to cherish the miracle I already had—my healthy son. I was focused on what was missing, rather than what was present. And I see now that this became a pattern in my life.

I carried that mindset into other areas—especially my romantic relationships. I would dwell on what I didn’t have and spin in that emptiness, believing my happiness depended on something or someone outside of me. My awareness—where I placed my focus—shaped my reality.

As a child, I learned to chase love and attention. It became my silent addiction—love as drama, as longing, as lack. And yet, awareness creates reality. The more I lived in the bubble of what was missing, the more it defined my days. I couldn’t enjoy the moment, because I was trapped in old beliefs: that I wasn’t good enough, beautiful enough, worthy enough.

It took years of reflection and healing to realize that my life was trying to show me something. My relationships, my losses, my shame—all of it was a mirror. I started having honest conversations with my son, and with myself. I began asking: What do I focus on? What do I give my energy to?

Byron Katie says, “If you don’t light your own fire, who will?” I had been running into everyone else’s living rooms, trying to fix their fires, while my own was barely lit. That’s when it changed. I started lighting my own fire again.

When we become truly aware, we understand: the way we feel is always our own choice. We may not control what others do, but we choose how we interpret it, how we respond, and what meaning we give it. Some people may hurt us, yes—but how we carry that pain is up to us. What story do we repeat? What beliefs do we reinforce?

Life isn’t punishing us. But it is mirroring us.

Camus was right—the horror isn’t death. It’s living the same day on repeat, never daring to change. But that’s not where the story has to end. Because once we take back our power, we remember that everything begins within. If we want a better life, we create it through awareness, gratitude, and the courage to break the cycle.

So today, start right here. With what is. With what you do have. Start seeing through the eyes of love, not lack. Begin living the story you want to tell—because you’re the one writing it.

I know who i am

The key

Yes! Finally, I comprehend this profound truth; my path lies unequivocally before me. I possess an immense power, for I am always the arbiter of my own identity and choices. Realizing this grants me extraordinary agency, liberating me from a space of helplessness and yearning for external validation and affection. I once sought fulfillment and happiness from others, unaware that these essential needs are already intrinsic within me. No longer shall I depend on external forces to shape my life. For too long, I diminished myself, believing others to be superior, and allowing external influences to sow seeds of insecurity and self-doubt. However, I now recognize that I alone have the authority to permit such influences. I am the very individual who determines my own destiny. Every time I surrender control to others, allowing them to dictate the tune I dance to, I inevitably stumble. Only I am cognizant of the music that ignites the dance within my soul.

With closed eyes and hands pressed to my heart, I reflect upon the arduous journey I have undertaken. Nevertheless, I have arrived at this moment, unshakeable in the unwavering power I carry within, even during the most trying times. The secret lies in comprehending that even the most formidable challenges can be transformative blessings, long-awaited awakenings. We have the choice to embrace the excitement of unlocking the mysteries behind closed doors or to shield ourselves behind the safety of limited perception and ingrained beliefs that have shaped our existence. There exists within each of us a deceitful inner voice, a companion since childhood and into adulthood. This voice insidiously whispers falsehoods, convincing us that we are unworthy of our desires. The fear of rejection or the haunting echoes of past pain, unique and personal to each of us, haunt our every step, unless we reclaim our power and refuse to let that insidious voice govern our lives.

Where do you stand today? Are you content or burdened with anger and hurt, as I once was for countless years? It was only when I realized that I held the magic wand of change in my own hands, that I could escape the desolate state of powerlessness and misery. Living trapped in that state of despair, my life passed by in a blur, like a film strip projecting fleeting snapshots of my daily perceptions, while I remained a passive observer. What is the film that plays within you? What resides within your thoughts must manifest on the screen of your reality. Just as a camera captures sequences of images to create a movie displayed on a screen, our thoughts and the accompanying emotions shape our internal landscape and produce the reality we inhabit.

So, who are we? Who have we become, and who do we choose to be today? The recurrence of similar experiences holds a purpose, urging us to delve deep into our conscious minds and confront unfavorable thoughts. In the past, I would dwell on these thoughts, surrendering myself entirely to their grasp, ultimately being swept away into a sea from which I could not resurface. Only when it was too late would I realize the peril of my situation, teetering on the brink of drowning in anguish. The more I fixated on my distress, the deeper it pulled me under. However, there exists an escape, albeit a daunting one for those unaccustomed to flexing their dormant muscles. Amidst the struggle, one may swallow water and experience a choking sensation—I have traversed such states. Nevertheless, there exists only one viable choice, the choice of survival and relief. Why is it so arduous to alter our perception of the experiences we encounter when the answer resides within arm’s reach? It is the tenacity of our habitual mind. We are unaccustomed to embracing alternative perspectives. It is far easier to surrender to the familiar embrace of fear and stress when circumstances diverge from our expectations, for that is what we have grown accustomed to. Yet, within the problem itself lies the solution. What would be your ideal outcome? From that vantage point, we must take action. Engaging in daily practices that reframe our thought processes and heighten our awareness of our situations empowers us to reclaim our agency and foster a life wherein we manifest our dreams—a life where we dictate our destinies and hold dominion over our thoughts and emotions.

Learning how to get out of water when drowning

I am walking along a river. The rain is pouring down on my head. Within, my emotions are turbulent and full of waves. I am okay because although they hurt and feel scary I know how to not drown in them. I have learned how to swim when they tend to overwhelm me and carry me away in their current. Yet at times, the current is so strong. Even though I have been in my process for a while now and have understood so much about the nature of my hurts, fears, and beliefs, I sometimes experience a storm raging within. That storm was partially created by all those impressions put on me by my parents and caretakers who sometimes did not know better but to influence my identity with their limited beliefs and fears. And just like a lighthouse, the original me, the one who was there before the storm, shines brightly against the blackness of the night and helps me to find my way back to my path. When I get blinded by the darkness of all the garbage of the previous thoughts and beliefs that were tilled into my fertile soil, my garden, also known as our subconscious mind, I look for that beacon of light to help me pull through. I have worked diligently over the last few years and cleansed my internal garden from all weeds that choked my healthy plants from growing into beautiful plants. But now and then one of those little parasites, one of those nasty negative thoughts, will attack one of my healthy plants. At that very moment, I feel it and know instinctively that I want to remove that little troublemaker before it gets rooted within my system.

I have my moments when I see the hurt as an individual being holding its ears, screaming in pain. I observe it and see it does not belong to me- it is separate from me and I do not want to become too intimate with this creature. I just acknowledge that it is there and that everything has its place and form. By not giving it too much attention, it disappears again because it cannot survive without the oxygen that is my fear. By not letting it take a breath, it has to choke and disappear again. Now i give it none of my attention as I have done for so many years in the past. I have taken a decision: I am the operant power of my own well-being and my happiness. I refuse to be the victim of my past fears and doubts that have surrounded me and influenced the person I had become. I take my power back, every day a bit more. It is a daily practice to stay on track, taking control of the unfavorable thoughts that haunt us. We always have the opportunity to make the better choice and choose the favorable way of thinking, thus creating a better reality for ourselves. I call it the mind diet.

Overcoming the belief system of formative years

The universe remains unchanged throughout millions of years, regardless of our perception of it as either hostile or friendly. Our experience of the universe depends on our personal identity and our approach to life. During our upbringing, we develop belief systems that shape our perspective. Do we hold the belief that things will turn out positively and lead to success? Or does the fear of failure overshadow our trust in ourselves and the natural progression of events?

This morning, while standing in the shower, I felt overwhelmed by my emotions. Seeking solace, I closed my eyes and let the gentle flow of water soothe my face. In that moment, various images flashed before my mind’s eye, encompassing both past and future events, causing my head to spin. I observed these images as they danced within my thoughts, recognizing the importance of capturing them before they wreaked havoc. I realized that my thoughts were influenced by the experiences imprinted in me during childhood. In the past, I would have absorbed this suffering without limit. However, I have learned to temporarily set aside these thoughts, examining them later to gain insight into their impact on me. I understand that I have the power to transform my circumstances by seeking solutions to seemingly insurmountable problems, which induce fear and inhibit trust in our ability to achieve success like countless others. By envisioning the ideal resolution to a problem, we can work towards developing a new belief system. Yet, this process can be intimidating.

I am currently engaged in deep conversations with my sister. Although we were raised separately by different mothers, we have faced similar emotional challenges. This indicates that despite our distinct upbringings, we have adapted to life in a manner influenced by our father’s emotional perception and his experiences with people and events. My sister and I have come to realize that these experiences are not indicative of our true selves, but rather shaped by the beliefs we acquired during our childhoods through our father.

To address the beliefs and sufferings passed down to us, it is beneficial to gain a genealogical understanding of our origins. However, we must be cautious not to excessively dwell on the emotional pain from the past. As Neville Goddard advises, “Do not waste one moment in regret, for to think feelingly of the past is to re-infect yourself.” It is essential to identify patterns in our thinking and emotions, enabling us to envision an ideal outcome. By exposing our subconscious mind to positive content, we can develop a habit of perceiving favorable outcomes and overcome our fear of negative results. This simple practice has the potential to dramatically transform our self-perception.

Over the past few years, I have shared with my sister the principles I have been practicing. These principles revolve around the understanding that our original essence is inherently perfect, and that we are far more extraordinary than we can comprehend. We explore the reasons behind our current selves and examine how our perception of life prevents us from fully loving and respecting ourselves. Ultimately, it boils down to embracing a new perspective and consciously choosing our path. Do we want to reclaim our personal power and take control of our thoughts in life? Or do we allow the emotions tied to our thoughts to overwhelm us on a daily basis?

What is my message?

“I tell my story not because it is unique, but because it is the story of many girls.” – Malala Yousafzai

My message revolves around awakening. I speak from personal experience, with a particular focus on women. Far too often, we have prioritized the well-being of others at the expense of our own, resulting in a sense of helplessness. How many times have we known what we wanted to do, yet refrained from pursuing it due to the fear of rejection, self-doubt, or uncertainty about what is truly best for us? Why do we allow others to instill doubts about our potential for success? Numerous coaches and authors have explored these issues extensively; therefore, I will not delve deeper into them here. I can only speak for myself and share my own journey.

If we desire change, we must become the catalysts for that change. Taking ownership of our thoughts and actions is crucial in effecting transformation. This change can only occur within ourselves when we recognize that true growth commences by freeing ourselves from dependence on external circumstances or individuals. We hold the power to determine the trajectory of our personal narratives, as we are constantly scripting our stories, whether consciously or not. The more we grasp the notion that we are not merely actors bound to recite lines penned by others, but rather creative writers, the easier it becomes to take charge of our own destinies. Fear is the only hindrance that undermines our confidence in ourselves.

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.” – Marie Curie

Gaining an understanding of self-confidence can be a lengthy journey, particularly if it was not instilled in us during childhood. For years, I held a diminished view of myself, believing I was unworthy and lacking the intelligence to pursue my dreams. I allowed people and circumstances to treat me in toxic and unfavorable ways. While I extended patience and understanding to others, I denied myself the same kindness. The more we elevate others onto pedestals, the more we allow them to diminish our worth. However, the moment we shift our self-perception and utilize our inner strength to support ourselves, people will begin to treat us differently. When we realize our inherent worth and embrace our uniqueness, we will only accept respectful treatment from others. That is self-love. Once we embark on the journey of self-value, we will notice people being drawn to us, seeking genuine connection. This differs from narcissistic self-love, which seeks attention and affection by force, in an attempt to fill an inner void. I am referring to a healthy self-respect—a state where we find inner peace and do not rely on external validation to feel confident. Understanding the patterns we encounter in our daily lives alleviates our fears and allows us to recognize our true worth.

As we begin to comprehend our worth, we come to understand that we were not at fault for becoming ensnared in our traumatic fears and beliefs. These circumstances were merely imprinted upon us during childhood by our parents and caregivers, who themselves may not have known better. However, now that we have reached adulthood, it is our responsibility to make those changes if we seek the peace and happiness we yearn for. Equipped with the right tools and understanding, the choice ultimately lies with us. When we genuinely desire change, that is the moment we cease to be victims of circumstance.

The Haunting Shadows of the Past

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” – Plato.

Problem: Feeling fear in the absence of any actual threat.

System: Our perception of reality is influenced by our fears.

Solution: Understanding the nature of our fears.

How did I become aware of this issue?

Imagine a scene at night in a dense, dark forest. As I walk along an unseen path, I feel insecure. It can be a frightening place when you don’t know what lies ahead. The unknown lurking in the darkness can be intimidating. It leaves us feeling helpless and vulnerable. This feeling may arise when we recall past experiences, watch a scary movie, or even read about a serial killer. However, most of all, the overwhelming emotions linked to fear come from the experiences of our childhood when we were not adequately protected. These experiences leave a lasting imprint, becoming the blueprint for our fears. They have been with us since childhood, shaped by the images and emotions we encountered. Others who grew up with a more secure upbringing may have a different experience.

As I listen to the frightening noises and imagine what may be hiding in the darkness, my body tenses up. This is my inner child, recalling my childhood experiences. Meanwhile, my adult mind understands that the fear I feel is merely a response triggered by memories of past events. I realize that I am the source of this fear—I choose to experience this moment. So, do I allow panic to consume me and let it grow, or do I remind myself that I have walked through the woods many times before and likely won’t encounter the dangers my inner child imagines?

Why does this issue persist?

“Consciousness is the vine and that which you are conscious of being is as branches that you feed and keep alive. Just as a branch has no life except it is rooted in the vine, likewise, things have no life except you be conscious of them. “ – Neville Goddard

Fear has a blinding effect. It is a powerful force that affects us in various ways throughout our daily lives. It takes different forms and interferes with our decision-making process. Anxiety and stress become palpable, causing great distress. Often, we believe that we are at the mercy of these emotions and that there is no way out. In my case, I did not understand the origins of my fears, and even when I did, I struggled to transform them. We often navigate life with the notion that “that’s just how things are.” The first step in transforming our fears into something positive is recognizing that we are the ones shaping our reality through our thoughts, day in and day out.

This morning, I found myself feeling sad. Despite having developed the ability to observe this feeling from an outside perspective and analyze its causes, my old fears were more potent at that moment. They emerged: “I’m not good enough, what if I’m not chosen, what if people reject me?” I realized that my inner child was hurting within me, and I understood the connection I made today with past experiences. That little wounded child, lacking better communication skills, emerged and spoke her truth—it was raw. She braced herself, preparing for the inevitable pain she anticipated. While this coping mechanism may have helped my inner child navigate difficult years, it no longer serves me as an adult. In fact, it hinders me from fully realizing my potential. Therefore, it is crucial to understand that these feelings do not define us. They are simply remnants of emotions that overwhelmed us as children, resurfacing and connecting to foreign emotions within us.

It has become habitual to focus more on the impossibility of positive outcomes rather than the potential for success. This mindset may have emerged from childhood failures and our inability to navigate the resulting emotions effectively. Consequently, we hesitate to make decisions for ourselves. There is a way to change our perceptions and beliefs, and that is by observing our thoughts and recognizing that we are the ones shaping our lives. Our consciousness is the vine, pruning and cultivating our experiences, as Neville Goddard explains. Therefore, it is crucial that we choose wisely, ensuring our growth does not wither away.

Most of the fears we experience are not visually present; they arise from a spiral of thoughts and emotions. The more we dwell on these fears, the more real they seem. However, only the pain we feel is real, while the anxiety-inducing situations themselves may not exist.

Why do I think many people resist changing this?

Confronting one’s problems requires courage. Generations of beliefs have shaped the personalities we have become. Often, we fail to realize that we are the cause of our own suffering. Consider, for example, a patient suffering from chronic pain. Only after recovering do they realize the extent of the pain they endured for so many years. We identify with the identity we believe life has bestowed upon us, thinking that it defines who we are and who we will always be. I am here to tell you that this is a falsehood. However, overcoming this condition necessitates the willingness and knowledge to see things from a different perspective.

Our families instill deeply held beliefs that can be carried across generations. For instance, I was convinced that everything I heard from my parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents was unquestionably true. The women in my family tree, spanning multiple generations, told me, “No woman in our family has ever had a decent job or a good husband. None of us has ever driven a car, and as we age, we face various health issues. We all develop large bellies and gray hair in our forties, and money has always been scarce and difficult to maintain. So, behave well, and you will have no problems.” The list of negatives seemed endless. When I reflect on the lineage of these women, I can understand why they spoke this way, but it does not mean that it must be my truth. It took me decades to realize this. Nonetheless, I have proven them wrong in every aspect. I made a conscious decision years ago to experience a different outcome. I allowed myself to tread a different path. Later in life, I learned to drive a car. I engaged in physical activities to maintain fitness, and my hair has yet to turn gray (I believe this is because I focused on preserving its color). Whenever I shared my determination to lead a different life than they had predicted for me, my grandmother would argue with me, struggling to comprehend. Changing long-held beliefs can be challenging. It is never too late to discover our own truths.

We struggle to trust our inner voice

By disconnecting from our inner voice and disregarding our intuition, we forget what brings us happiness. We live vicariously through others, adopting their thoughts, making their priorities our own, or placing excessive importance on others’ opinions of us. Many of us experience discomfort that eventually manifests as disease. We prioritize others’ emotions and needs above our own due to the fear of expressing ourselves, conveying our feelings, and advocating for our own satisfaction. The fear of rejection and conflicts can be daunting. We have not learned to trust ourselves when making decisions. Most of us have been conditioned to believe that others know what is best for us. We prioritize duty over our well-being, and even when we choose to prioritize our own needs and pursue personal fulfillment, we feel guilty and ashamed for placing ourselves first. If we cannot tap into our inner voice, which guides us towards what is best for us, we go through life bent and teach our children to do the same.

We want to teach future generations, especially our own children, to value and trust their inner selves more than the fears projected onto us. We want them to understand that happiness comes from within and cannot be bestowed upon us by external sources. Others do not know what is better for us; we know ourselves better than anyone else. By learning how to find satisfying solutions to our problems and staying connected to ourselves, we gradually adopt a mindset of abundance. This allows us to view life with excitement rather than anxiety.

What does it look like?

If we do not change our thinking and how we perceive life, we will not learn to take responsibility for our own success and happiness. By not knowing how to confront fears and anxieties, we end up blaming others for our dissatisfaction. We become victims of our suffering and the thoughts associated with it. We live in the past, unable to appreciate the present and its offerings. We forget to be grateful for the small joys in life. We forget that we are the ones shaping our thoughts. As thoughts arise, we have the power to choose how we perceive people and events—through a lens of scarcity or abundance. If we are not willing to put in the effort required for personal growth, nothing will change. On the contrary, the more we lament and experience internal stress, the more we will encounter similar challenges on our journey.

“You don’t get what you want in life, you get who you are.” – Les Brown

Things you might not have realized

You manifest and shape your reality through your thoughts. You are the catalyst for change; nobody else can do it for you, and there is no one else to blame. By adopting the belief that fulfillment comes from external sources, we become dependent and needy. We can never acquire enough to fill our inner void. We live outside ourselves, always giving away our energy to others. Pay attention to your inner conversations—do you often lament about what you lack, how poorly you are treated, and the difficulties and unfairness of life? Do you constantly worry about money being taken from you through bills, family, or the state? I am sure you can relate to the thought patterns I once had before I began changing my thinking habits. I victimized myself throughout my life. However, by altering my inner conversations, my entire life has transformed. I replaced a mindset of scarcity with thoughts of abundance. Instead of blaming others, I began questioning why I gave external circumstances and people so much power over me. Why do you grant your thoughts and resulting emotions such significant importance? It is essential to understand that they do not define us; we are the ones who choose how we perceive life. As I see it now, I am separate from my thoughts, and I am the one who chooses how to be aware of my circumstances. Realizing that we have the power to choose our focus gives us the ability to take responsibility for how we navigate life, think, and create a new reality for ourselves.

What would the world look like without this problem?

By managing our minds and understanding that we always have a choice to pursue better outcomes, we begin to make wiser decisions and become more conscious of our thoughts and perceptions. Instead of focusing on the problems that cause us stress, we concentrate on living in an ideal state, allowing solutions to present themselves. When we comprehend that our attitude towards life shapes our reality and that we are the ones choosing how we perceive the events we encounter, we find inner contentment. We realize that we do not need external things to fill our inner void; all we need is already within us. We can live a life free from guilt and shame, valuing and allowing ourselves to pursue a peaceful and harmonious existence because we recognize our own worth and value. We understand that it is acceptable to pursue our desires. By being honest with ourselves and others, we demonstrate respect. Why is it important to be true to our own happiness and avoid placing others on a pedestal? Because we want to cultivate genuine, authentic relationships where we do not sacrifice our dreams and personal fulfillment for the sake of others. What is the point of sacrificing if we remain unhappy and judgmental in our thoughts? This journey is about reconnecting with ourselves and understanding that we are here to live a happy, prosperous, and fulfilled life. This mindset cultivates kind-hearted, content, and loving individuals because those who are internally fulfilled do not need anything from anyone. Consequently, we can maintain a greater sense of peace, stay connected to our inner selves, and embrace spirituality and a consciousness of a higher power.

Potential challenges

Our subconscious mind holds great power, filled with convictions, beliefs, and connections between our thoughts and the experiences we encounter. It has taught us to be cautious, always on the lookout for failure and problems rather than the possibility of success and finding solutions. Our subconscious mind strongly influences how we perceive people, events, relationships, love, money, and everything else we experience. These deeply ingrained beliefs serve as a means of self-protection. Our conscious mind selects our thoughts and experiences, but we have become accustomed to listening to the cautionary voice in our minds, succumbing to negative impulses in our daily lives. It is a formidable force, causing us to experience similar failures even if our endeavors start with promise and optimism. Just as we need to train our muscles daily to keep them strong, we must train our minds to resist falling back into old patterns of repetitive thoughts and emotions. We cannot fully control our thoughts; they are like unruly children. However, we can educate our thoughts, teaching them to be quieter and reminding ourselves that we are the ones in control. With time and persistence, we will notice a change in our perception of the world. Even if we hear the familiar voice, we now possess the wisdom not to heed its negative influence.

Conclusion

If we desire change, we must be the agents of change. We cannot wait for external circumstances to transform our lives. We must take action, just as we must walk across the room to reach the other side. By assuming responsibility for our thoughts and perceptions, we become more mindful of our attitudes towards life. How are you aware of life? Do you choose abundance over scarcity? Do you view situations as opportunities rather than insurmountable problems? The more we understand ourselves and recognize that the pains and problems we encounter do not define us, the more empowered we become. These emotions can only control us if we allow them to. Abundant thinking breeds wealth, happiness, and contentment. It is about constantly observing ourselves and identifying what we associate with. Is it something positive that serves our purpose, happiness, and growth? We aim to develop a mindset that allows us to become the best versions of ourselves, reclaim our worth and value that may have been lost along our journey, and decide to reclaim what rightfully belongs to us—a life where we pursue our dreams and find joy from within. In doing so, we enable ourselves to experience genuine, authentic relationships and avoid sacrificing our dreams and fulfillment for the sake of others. This journey involves returning to ourselves and understanding that we are here to live a happy, prosperous, and fulfilled life. It fosters compassionate, content, and loving individuals because those who are internally fulfilled do not need anything from anyone. Consequently, we can maintain a greater sense of peace, stay connected to our inner selves, and embrace spirituality and a consciousness of a higher power.

Staying in the process

“Hold the vision, trust the process.” – Author unknown

When I emerged from my lifelong slumber, it involved reconnecting with my inner voice. Initially, it was difficult to hear amidst the cacophony of my racing thoughts and deep-seated fears. At times, the noise was overwhelming, akin to a swarm of hornets drowning out the voice within me. The pivotal moment came when I started questioning, “Who am I amidst this sea of thoughts? Why do I think and feel the way I do? What shapes my convictions and fearful thoughts that color my perception of reality? And why do I struggle with insecurities when it comes to making decisions and trusting my inner voice?” This realization made me understand that I held the power to shape my reactions. Despite occupying the driver’s seat of my own life, capable of molding my perception and response to experiences, I had allowed myself to become a victim of those very experiences. This realization compelled me to embark on a journey of self-discovery, recognizing that I could no longer afford to leave these unanswered questions unresolved.

Although I grasped the principle that I am not defined by my thoughts, fears, and beliefs, I encountered a challenge in formulating an ideal vision for myself. Instead, I found myself fixating on problems, inadvertently granting them more power than the solutions themselves. I had grown accustomed to the feeling of lacking. For instance, I firmly believed that my mother was the source of my self-doubt and dissatisfaction with my appearance. I entertained thoughts that my past partners did not value me because I lacked intelligence. I even questioned, “Who would employ me without proper education?” I supplied myself with countless reasons to feel unhappy and inadequate.

As a child, I experienced a lack of emotional support in the form of compliments and validation. Over time, I came to believe that I did not deserve it. Consequently, I adopted a mindset of accepting whatever came my way, fearing that asserting myself would lead to conflict and trouble. The notion of being a “good girl” resonated with me since it promised love and affirmation. This perception was reinforced by my mother and other caretakers who praised me for avoiding trouble. I held the misconception that as long as I maintained that persona, life would be problem-free. By suppressing my self-expression, I unwittingly relinquished the power to make decisions in my best interest, allowing others to make choices on my behalf. Unfortunately, these decisions did not always align with my well-being.

Fear exerts a suffocating influence. My sister once told me, “The only wrong decision is taking no decision.” The mere act of taking a step forward brings about change. However, I believe that change itself frightened me. I had long been fearful of embarking on a journey towards independence, assuming the responsibility of determining my own desires. I was afraid of disrupting the status quo and dealing with the potential reactions it might trigger. But what underlies this fear?

Depending on how our childhood experiences unfolded, we form connections to various issues such as relationships, money, and success. Over time, our identities take shape, shaped by the beliefs we hold about people and events. For instance, a child from a poor background may harbor more negative views about relationships and money compared to a child from a wealthy family. In my own story, certain experiences took a toll on my self-esteem. It was challenging to let go of an identity that had felt familiar for so many years. This is how the psyche operates—we seek answers for every experience, and those answers provide us with a semblance of security. Consequently, we become attached to that sense of security, whether it is genuine or not. These experiences form our identities, and relinquishing that identity begs the question: What will remain? Who will mend the pain and trauma I have endured? Who will fill the void left behind? I had grown accustomed to lamenting all the unfavorable events around me, relying on external circumstances to make myself feel “whole” and keep going. Thus, I feared change because I could not envision what would sustain me without the security of my previous identity.

“Most people wait for something outside of them to change how they feel inside.” – Joe Dispenza

If we desire change and wish to manifest our inner visions in life (as we all possess them), we must first understand what we truly want. It can be a process in itself to realize that we deserve what we aspire to. The challenge lies in articulating those desires. Often, the answers lie within us, but we struggle to trust our inner voice. Over time, we have lost the connection and become disconnected from our instincts. Instead, we listen to the opinions of others, losing touch with our own inner direction. Consequently, we navigate through life without daring to dream big.

What happens when we undervalue ourselves? We settle for breadcrumbs, becoming addicted to the slightest signs of love we receive. This stems from a lack of understanding our self-worth. We compare ourselves to others and believe that external fulfillment will bring about the change we seek. While it may offer temporary solace, unless we transform our internal thoughts and feelings, no romantic relationship or amount of wealth can sustain long-term happiness.

Moreover, everything in life is subject to potential loss. How would we feel then? Personally, I was once terrified of losing the meager crumbs of affection and acceptance—love—I had in my life.

“Those that go searching for love only make manifest their own lovelessness, and the loveless never find love, only the loving find love, and they never have to seek for it.” – D.H. Lawrence

Without internal change or a shift in our beliefs ingrained from childhood, nothing in this world can truly bring us lasting happiness. External changes are futile without inner transformation.

My first Burning Desire

It all begins with an intense yearning, a burning desire. Deep within each of us, this desire exists from the very moment we enter the world. No one needs to instruct a tiny being in the womb on how to develop into a perfect baby; it simply knows and acts upon its burning desire to live. Observe a delicate plant breaking through the concrete, defying all odds. Even the tiniest ant fights for its survival. It possesses an inner strength, a will to live.

My mother was very young when she became pregnant with me. Those around her advised her to get rid of me, and she almost followed that path. However, while waiting in the doctor’s office, a woman passed by with her newborn baby. In that moment, my mother looked at the beautiful infant and abruptly left the clinic. Years later, she told me that she had chosen not to abort me because she felt my burning desire to live.

We have all experienced a moment when we felt an intense longing to pursue something that inspires us and fills us with vitality. So why do we often lose touch with our inner voice, the connection to our burning desire? Consider a newborn baby—it instinctively knows how to nurse without any instructions. The burning desire to survive and thrive compels the baby to hold onto the source of nourishment. This is the work of the inner voice or, in this case, instinct, guiding the newborn. Unfortunately, many of us have stopped listening to our inner voice. If we had continued to listen, we would be connected to our individual burning desires that drive us to seek nourishment and propel us toward our ultimate goal: happiness, which is everyone’s birthright.

My awakening began when my ex-partner left me for another woman. It brutally reminded me that I had lost myself long ago. Tired of being a victim of my own suffering, I made a decision to search for answers within myself. Reflecting on my journey, I have undergone an incredible transformation in the endless quest to rediscover my true self—the person I was before my identity became shaped by negative experiences. Due to my upbringing and education, my inner voice, that burning desire, was often suffocated by doubts, fears, and excuses that hindered my aspirations. Until that point, my steadfast belief had been that fulfilling desires and achieving dreams were reserved for the privileged few. But now, I yearned for change, and in that pursuit, I realized I needed to reconnect with my inner source and rediscover the person I was before external beliefs influenced me. I had to work on reshaping my self-concept and changing my way of thinking.

Now I comprehend that if I hadn’t possessed a burning desire for change, I wouldn’t be sharing my thoughts with you today. There comes a moment in life when you decide to seek the source of your unhappiness because deep down, you know that it’s not what you had envisioned. It is in that moment, accompanied by stress and the burning question of “why,” that an inner calling emerges. Your own voice calls out for awakening.

If you recognize yourself in what I am discussing, I am more than willing to share the realizations and techniques that have aided me on this highly personal journey of discovering truth and purpose, unraveling why we are here in the first place.