I am walking along a river. The rain is pouring down on my head. Within, my emotions are turbulent and full of waves. I am okay because although they hurt and feel scary I know how to not drown in them. I have learned how to swim when they tend to overwhelm me and carry me away in their current. Yet at times, the current is so strong. Even though I have been in my process for a while now and have understood so much about the nature of my hurts, fears, and beliefs, I sometimes experience a storm raging within. That storm was partially created by all those impressions put on me by my parents and caretakers who sometimes did not know better but to influence my identity with their limited beliefs and fears. And just like a lighthouse, the original me, the one who was there before the storm, shines brightly against the blackness of the night and helps me to find my way back to my path. When I get blinded by the darkness of all the garbage of the previous thoughts and beliefs that were tilled into my fertile soil, my garden, also known as our subconscious mind, I look for that beacon of light to help me pull through. I have worked diligently over the last few years and cleansed my internal garden from all weeds that choked my healthy plants from growing into beautiful plants. But now and then one of those little parasites, one of those nasty negative thoughts, will attack one of my healthy plants. At that very moment, I feel it and know instinctively that I want to remove that little troublemaker before it gets rooted within my system.
I have my moments when I see the hurt as an individual being holding its ears, screaming in pain. I observe it and see it does not belong to me- it is separate from me and I do not want to become too intimate with this creature. I just acknowledge that it is there and that everything has its place and form. By not giving it too much attention, it disappears again because it cannot survive without the oxygen that is my fear. By not letting it take a breath, it has to choke and disappear again. Now i give it none of my attention as I have done for so many years in the past. I have taken a decision: I am the operant power of my own well-being and my happiness. I refuse to be the victim of my past fears and doubts that have surrounded me and influenced the person I had become. I take my power back, every day a bit more. It is a daily practice to stay on track, taking control of the unfavorable thoughts that haunt us. We always have the opportunity to make the better choice and choose the favorable way of thinking, thus creating a better reality for ourselves. I call it the mind diet.