There was a time in my life when I just lived from day to day, as if inside a bubble of reality. Everything I saw was colored by that bubble—filtered through the lens of my past, my conditioning, and my limited sense of self. It reminds me of the film The Truman Show with Jim Carrey. His whole life had been staged since childhood. His family, friends, even his job—all of it was a scripted illusion. But Truman didn’t know anything else, because he had never seen beyond the world built around him.
Still, something inside him began to stir. He started to feel that something was missing, and despite his fear, he dared to search for the truth. That’s when everything changed.
In many ways, I was Truman.
The world I grew up in had strict rules and rituals. I was taught that as long as I obeyed, everything would be okay. My life had been dictated by the authorities in the institution I was raised in, and I had never learned to make choices for myself. I believed I needed others to tell me what to do, even how to think. That’s how deeply I had internalized the belief that I couldn’t trust myself.
It felt easier to live in a system that told me who I was. The only responsibility I had was to follow the rules. And yet, like Truman, I began to feel dissatisfied. I didn’t want to just survive. I wanted to live.
When I left my first husband, I didn’t know how to function outside the system I’d grown up in. I had no tools, no formal education, and no real experience making decisions for myself. Most of my conversations at the time revolved around shared complaints—especially the lack of love we felt. We’d speak in circles, reinforcing the belief that something was wrong out there. I believed that if I could just find the right relationship, the right partner, then everything would finally fall into place.
But after my last two long-term relationships ended, I realized something: it wasn’t just about them. The pain I carried was deeper. These men had been mirrors—reflecting back the wounds I hadn’t healed.
I started to see that I was still living from the belief that I was not good enough. That love had to be earned. That I had to suffer through what was given to me. And most of all, that the solution was outside of me. I didn’t see the gold I already carried within.
It’s only in the last years that I’ve begun to see clearly. To sit in the stillness and realize: I am not broken. I am not helpless. And I am not at the mercy of other people’s actions or opinions.
Like Byron Katie says, we must always question our thoughts. “Can you absolutely know that it’s true?” she asks. So often, what we believe is only a story we’ve repeated to ourselves for so long that it feels like reality.
Neville Goddard wrote, “Do not try to change others—they are only messengers telling you who you are. Revalue yourself, and they will confirm the change.” That was a truth I had to learn firsthand. The moment I began to revalue myself, everything around me started to shift.
There’s still work to do. Life still brings its challenges. But today, when I notice the familiar stories playing in my mind—the old lenses of fear, doubt, and worthlessness—I pause. I sit in the middle of the storm and remember: I am the source of my peace.
And so are you.